Author Manni Coe shared his story of survival as part of his memoir Little Ruins: Rebuilding A Life. Now he shares with us how contacting the Diocese of Oxford safeguarding team has been a positive experience in his recovery from childhood abuse.
My first contact was someone in Norwich and because what happened to me happened in Oxford she suggested I go straight to Oxford. They were very honest, if I didn’t want to give her all the information I didn’t have to. That was good; no-one wants to tell their story more than they actually have to. That was a good entry point.
She put me in touch with Louise and we spoke at length several times on the phone and then we met. I was very surprised by her concern for me. She put me straight through to the Bishop of Buckingham, who was the Bishop who oversaw the church where it happened and he was the person responsible at the time. That was Alan Wilson.
We had three meetings and then, sadly, he died. He was going to have my back, because he knew the case inside out. That was the beginning of what I think could have been a really powerful friendship. The loss of Alan was a shock for me. He was the one person I’d been waiting to speak to for 30 years and I only got to see him three times. I felt it quite hard, because finally here was someone who was actually present during my case and knew the whole situation and I did not have to explain much.
After Alan died, I met with Steven Croft too. All the way through this Louise always said to me if I ever needed any help at any point then I was to contact her. And because I’d been writing about this, re-traumatising myself by writing about it, I did have a wobble when I finished the manuscript and handed it over. I contacted Louise on a Monday and by Wednesday I had had 12 sessions with a counsellor from the church, who I am still seeing.
That contact is ongoing and has been invaluable. I would not have known where to go for help. Where do you begin to find a therapist? Louise found me a psychotherapist. I don’t know how she knew we were going to get on so well, but he gets me and I get him and the contact with him has been invaluable.
I felt very supported all the way down the line. I need to make sure that everybody who is affected, that this is consistent across the board and I know it’s not. I have spoken to lots of survivors who never felt listened to and they never felt heard.
I got an official apology from Bishop Steven, during an interview for my book tour, and that was very powerful. The redress scheme promise is three-fold, an official apology, emotional psychiatric or psychological support and financial redress and I’ve had two of those.
My experience has been really positive. I was not expecting to find any sense of healing from within a church context.
Louise invited me to see my files and I did not even know that existed. I feel the church has been completely transparent with me. They are not hiding any information from me. Louise is a very wise person and I think why she asked me is because there are letters in there from my dad who passed away last year. Had I not gone I would never have seen those letters.
I was told by Bishop Alan, unequivocally, that I was abused. It has had a huge impact on me. When I met with Bishop Steven and he apologised to me, I got in the car and I cried for two and a half hours. Those are tears I have been holding on to for 30 years. Back in the day the church did nothing. They did not apologise. There was no follow through from any of the processes.
I am encouraged that the safeguarding team is in place because I am hoping that through their work what happened to me will never happen to anybody else within a church setting. So many people covered up for him, and did not speak up when they should have.
That ring of protection that stood around a predator has been removed and I have been able to heal.
Little Ruins: Rebuilding a Life by Manni Cow is published by Canongate.