If I could only use one word to describe my view of ordained ministry six months after being ordained Deacon, the word would be ‘surprising’.
I feel like every day since ordination has surprised me in various ways: my own view, my own reactions, my own thoughts, other people’s reactions, others' comments, and others' views. I've been surprised by little niche areas of ministry or legalities of life events (funerals, weddings, baptisms). But mostly I have been surprised by the intensity, the unexpected weight of responsibility, the emotional load and the immense privilege of sharing life with fellow humans as an ordained minister.
What I mean by the emotional load is the variety and intensity of emotions: amazing, challenging, occasionally weird, humbling, inspiring, apprehension, exhausting, hilarious, enjoyable, uplifting – sometimes all in the same hour! During the six months leading towards ordination, I often felt like I was on a rollercoaster which was going too fast and over which I had no control and too much fear, which drained all my energy. In the six months since ordination, I have also described it as a rollercoaster, but a completely different kind of rollercoaster – one which is constantly energising and uplifting – and always surprisingly better than I could have imagined. I often refer to events as pre- or post-ordination.
When I speak to friends who are still ordinands or in the discernment process, I feel compelled to say that in my experience, post-ordination is so much easier than being an ordinand. However, a key learning is that my experiences are a complex product of my life experiences that led me to ordination, my experience of training and my curacy context. I have curate friends who trained at the same college as me for two or three years and I have new curate friends whom I met at the pre-ordination retreat. My experience is unique to me – other’s experiences might be the opposite of mine: some found the lead-up to ordination much easier than I did and are now finding curacy much harder than I do.
In my curacy cohort, there is a diverse range of curacies and contexts: various combinations of part-time/full-time, stipendiary/non-stipendiary and contexts include city, urban, market town, and rural; our personal circumstances are diverse, we represent diverse traditions in the CofE and trained at several different colleges. Our age range might be three or four decades – I love the diversity and the opportunity to learn from each other.
In the lead up to 2025, I reminisced about last year – the start of 2024 signalled the final approach towards ordination and as previously noted, for me, it was a stressful period filled with increasing trepidation. An unexpected very late change in curacy plans almost caused me to pull out and I am so grateful for college tutors, experienced priests and college friends who listened to my jumbled thoughts interspersed with copious tears. I am so grateful for these people who continue to share this surprising calling; now with more coherent thoughts, more humour and without tears. I am struck by how much more positive I feel about being ordained priest in six months. I am most looking forward to presiding at the Eucharist.
Looking back, I can still replay in my mind, distinct moments of the pre-ordination retreat and the ordination itself as if they just happened last week – and those moments will always feel like unique gifts from God. But as I think about the months since ordination, I’m surprised by how much I have learnt and experienced; the ‘big things’ in the first few weeks have become ordinary parts of every day. And there are still so many new experiences on the horizon.
As I reflect on the first month of curacy and reread some of my journal entries, my biggest dilemma in July seemed to be the daily clothing crisis (clerical collar or no clerical collar) and the tiny daily surprises I encountered in public places – especially when I reached the stage of forgetting it was there. I have enough content for a 3000-word reflection on that topic alone!
Writing these thoughts has been an exercise in humour and gratitude and there is so much more I could add. The most important encouragement I wish to give to anyone who is considering ordination, in the discernment process or already training for ordination is that ordained ministry can be both challenging and energising in equal measure and I have learnt surprising things about myself and others. And everyone’s vocation, training and curacy is unique. I love the fact that the bible verse embroidered on my ordination stole is in one of the readings for the next time I am preaching: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine’ (Isaiah 43:1).
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